Swine Flu: In Rememberance Episode I

Pixar 2, 2059 - It's hard to believe that it was only 50 years ago today that President Obama declared a state of global emergency, an event children today remember as S-Day. Sure, everyone has heard the stories of bravery and on the opposite end the stories of defeat. The evacuation of New York, the fire bombing of Cleavland, the rally at Detroit. These are the stories that we tell around the gas fires every night, but do we really know what happened? Things have been exaggerated and myths have been created. It's doubtful that the country of Alaska was ever part of the United Wiki of America (then known as the Unified Statues of America?), and historians are now finding evidence that General Affleck may not have been in the military at all, but rather a leader in what is being called "The Gigli," a cult where people were hunted down and forced to eat mass quantities of turkey (citation needed). For this level 30 blog master, the 50th anniversary marked an occasion, no an opportunity to find out what really happened on S-Day, the day that would eventually kill 95% of the world's population. This is part 1 of 5 of what really happened.

Mankind. That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. You will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, it will be known as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight!" We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!

-President Paxton Julybroughtoyoubypepsi 4, 20015

With these immortal words, WWIII: Evolution was brought to a close. But how did this grand war begin? Ironically it was not pigs that caused the swine flu outbreak, but another devil animal. Historians now believe it was due to a "snake" outbreak. The snake, for those who might not remember their bible stories (and should report for detention and resettlement), was a species of animal that could either poison or strangle their prey. They were often found in deserts, jungles, planes, and grasslands. Thankfully these dreaded offspring of the devil are now extinct, but back in 2009 they were still a major threat as were bees, bears, and stingrays. In early 2009, reports began filtering out of Gaysville, then known as Florida, that an army of snakes had been gathering in mass and had the numbers for a continental takeover. With all our attention and military might on the snakes, it was easy for the real threat to creep in; Mexicans.

No one saw it coming, except maybe for the wise "Prophets of Fox". For over a century they had rallied for a wall to be built on the border between the U.S. and Mexico. Had this wall been built, this crisis might have been averted, the years of struggle and death would never have happened. Days after S-Day, the prophet, Brother O'Reilly, was heard to have said the following:

Had anyone actually fucking listened to me and Cheney, none of this would have happened. I hope your happy America, you all listened to that dirt bag Jew Jon Stewart, and now look...Fuck.

-Brother O'Relly Pixar 5, 2009

With these words of integrity and passion, the U.S. knew it had made a horrible mistake. Within days, the heathen Stewart and all his Jew friends would be gathered together and executed for crimes against the state. Some recall his final words on the roundup of Jews across the world.

Really, I mean, Really? Again?

-Jon Stewart Pixar 10, 2009

Stewart, in his sarcastic Jewish way was obviously referring to the last times Jewish peoples were rounded up for crimes against the state. In 1993 for torturing the world with "The Nanny."

No matter how satisfying all of this was for the peoples of the world, especially in the Middle East, the damage was already done. On Pixar 2, 2009, just a day after the world had to suffer through the horrible X-Men prequel, Wolverine, over 10, 000 Mexicans crossed the border in the U.S. The end was here. The Swine Flu was here.