Swine Flu: In Rememberance Episode I

Pixar 2, 2059 - It's hard to believe that it was only 50 years ago today that President Obama declared a state of global emergency, an event children today remember as S-Day. Sure, everyone has heard the stories of bravery and on the opposite end the stories of defeat. The evacuation of New York, the fire bombing of Cleavland, the rally at Detroit. These are the stories that we tell around the gas fires every night, but do we really know what happened? Things have been exaggerated and myths have been created. It's doubtful that the country of Alaska was ever part of the United Wiki of America (then known as the Unified Statues of America?), and historians are now finding evidence that General Affleck may not have been in the military at all, but rather a leader in what is being called "The Gigli," a cult where people were hunted down and forced to eat mass quantities of turkey (citation needed). For this level 30 blog master, the 50th anniversary marked an occasion, no an opportunity to find out what really happened on S-Day, the day that would eventually kill 95% of the world's population. This is part 1 of 5 of what really happened.

Mankind. That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. You will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, it will be known as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight!" We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!

-President Paxton Julybroughtoyoubypepsi 4, 20015

With these immortal words, WWIII: Evolution was brought to a close. But how did this grand war begin? Ironically it was not pigs that caused the swine flu outbreak, but another devil animal. Historians now believe it was due to a "snake" outbreak. The snake, for those who might not remember their bible stories (and should report for detention and resettlement), was a species of animal that could either poison or strangle their prey. They were often found in deserts, jungles, planes, and grasslands. Thankfully these dreaded offspring of the devil are now extinct, but back in 2009 they were still a major threat as were bees, bears, and stingrays. In early 2009, reports began filtering out of Gaysville, then known as Florida, that an army of snakes had been gathering in mass and had the numbers for a continental takeover. With all our attention and military might on the snakes, it was easy for the real threat to creep in; Mexicans.

No one saw it coming, except maybe for the wise "Prophets of Fox". For over a century they had rallied for a wall to be built on the border between the U.S. and Mexico. Had this wall been built, this crisis might have been averted, the years of struggle and death would never have happened. Days after S-Day, the prophet, Brother O'Reilly, was heard to have said the following:

Had anyone actually fucking listened to me and Cheney, none of this would have happened. I hope your happy America, you all listened to that dirt bag Jew Jon Stewart, and now look...Fuck.

-Brother O'Relly Pixar 5, 2009

With these words of integrity and passion, the U.S. knew it had made a horrible mistake. Within days, the heathen Stewart and all his Jew friends would be gathered together and executed for crimes against the state. Some recall his final words on the roundup of Jews across the world.

Really, I mean, Really? Again?

-Jon Stewart Pixar 10, 2009

Stewart, in his sarcastic Jewish way was obviously referring to the last times Jewish peoples were rounded up for crimes against the state. In 1993 for torturing the world with "The Nanny."

No matter how satisfying all of this was for the peoples of the world, especially in the Middle East, the damage was already done. On Pixar 2, 2009, just a day after the world had to suffer through the horrible X-Men prequel, Wolverine, over 10, 000 Mexicans crossed the border in the U.S. The end was here. The Swine Flu was here.

Santa Fe here I come!!

So, its only a few weeks away until I will be in Santa Fe, New Mexico! Why you ask? Partly for the green chili, but mostly for the Santa Fe Screenwriters Conference. See I won this scholarship thingy back in the day after writing my short "Catch Me" (awesome by the way, the character bios are even better.), which pays for my week there. Its pretty cool, I get to work with a screenwriter who has actually sold something, you heard right, someone who has actually made money!! WOW! Its like a mentor program basically, working with him on my scripts and writing skills. Its pretty awesome. But honestly that's not the best part.

At the end of the week I get to meet with real Hollywood producers! Holy shit right? I get to pitch my scripts to people who have money, and could give me money, and I like money! Is it nerve wreaking that this might be my shot at fame, stardom, and hookers; absolutely. Am I terrified that I will fail horribly, and therefor fail at the rest of my life; again, absolutely. But I'm pretty sure I will get so pumped up that I will end up blacking out and not remember anything that happens. Plus even if the pitches go south, I still get to party with the producers that night, so at least alcohol will help with my pain.

I'm pretty happy with the three scripts I am bringing with me. The first is a straight up teen sex comedy, "Moviehouse." Its a lot like the movie "Empire Records" only in a movie theater. I love good coming of age movies, and I really feel in touch with this movie, yes there are a lot of evil dead, jurassic park, and star wars references. The second is a horror comedy about vampires called "Bite Me." Here's the logline for that.

A man reunites with his undead high school sweetheart years after ditching her
with a gang of vampires.

I know pretty awesome right? Its pretty dark, and it came to me in a very lucid dream after new years this year. Hang overs are awesome! The third movie is the one I'm most proud of. Its called "By Day's End." Its a syfy channel ripoff of the third pirates movie. But really its a character drama about death, acceptance, and finally living. Pretty deep stuff, but I love the characters in it and I'm totally excited.

So yeah I'm going to get pretty drunk, going to eat a lot of mexican, and hopefully not make a jackass out of myself. If nothing else, i hopefully will get some phone numbers and make some friends.

Fred and Larry Get Cancer part I

So i gave the first 45 pages to Chuck today. I think its going okay, I am my own worst critic so who knows. Some surprising things happened while I was writing it. One, Fred became kinda a wuss. At first he was a tool, but then he just became a pussy over time. Larry got meaner too. I like it, he's an asshole now, but I am going to let him get calmer as the story goes on. I love Abe who is a new character I created for the script, along with Memphis of course. Its going to be longer than I thought, but that's okay, my original plan was only 90 min, now its going to be 110 min. Not a big difference.  Plus the reclusive gopher is going to be great!!

Intruder

Just finished the first draft of Intruder, a short horror movie that plays around with sound and darkness. Its pretty sweet I guess. Could use more boobs though.

FiLMTANK MCV

Greetings Internet!! How are you, porn treating you well? This is my first post on the FiLMTANK Blog. Hopefully there will be more as time goes on. Quick note, the website is not up yet, but work has begun!! Check back soon.